The Funeral

Iba hissed and spat, plaster crumbling beneath their fingers as they clung to the ceiling, lips pulled back in a snarl.

"Iba, please," Fin pleaded, "You agreed that you would come!"

A truly impressive mixture of profanities were spewed out of Iba's mouth, Fin not even deigning to look hurt at the admittedly creative insults being thrown his way.

"Do they... do this often?"

Fin let out a deep sigh, shaking his head before answering the cherubun half hidden behind him. "No, just when they're really upset. They're not going to be happy about the holes in the ceiling when they're calm enough to remember that actions have consequences."

Dove continued to stare at Iba, having never seen anyone respond to being upset in such a way. They hadn't even known it was possible for a person to hold themselves in such a position without equipment, seeing as they had no floor to support them.

Looking towards Jackal, Dove found the envy bun staring impassively at the scene as if it was a normal occurrence before the dark-haired woman rolled her eyes, waiting until Fin had paused to sigh again to speak up. "Come on, Iba. We can get food together afterwards!"

That at least got the blue haired doll to stop hissing at Fingerbanger.

"We can get delivery from that place you like with the good desserts. But only if you come with us.”

Though still glaring, Iba was clearly considering it, so Fingerbanger hopped back into the conversation with the killing blow.

"We can also make croissants and watch a video game documentary if you dress properly!”

Iba scrambled down, pieces of white plaster falling from where they had dug their fingers into the ceiling as they ran to their room to change into something more appropriate for the occasion. Though no one was fully sure when the custom of wearing dark clothing during times of mourning spread throughout Burrowgatory, it was definitely something started through demon’s stories of the world before, and thus the message sent out by the Church of Sulfur made their expectations of those who wished to attend the funerary service clear.

The three of them were already dressed, Fin sporting a fully black suit, the only pop of colour being glittery stars patterned across the jacket. While the glitter was mostly black, it glimmered with the colours of the rainbow when the light caught it in just the right way.

Jackal had a suit on as well, though hers was a dark green with a black shirt underneath, as well as dark sneakers since she didn't have a fitting pair of formal shoes. Dove had on a sleek black dress, having bought it a couple weeks back when Jackal had said they looked good in it, a dark cardigan thrown over the garment and a simple pair of black ballet flats slipped on their feet.

The three watched the door to Iba’s room close after them before Dove and Jackal looked towards Fin, the lust-horned man looking relieved.

"Sorry about that… thanks for coming over so we could get to the church together. I knew Iba was going to be difficult but had hoped it at least wouldn't get to that point.”

Jackal shrugged, “You're the one with a car. It's convenient.”

“So… ah… are they really going to be ok?”

Fin gave Dove a pat on the shoulder, trying to be reassuring. “Yeah, don't worry, Iba does actually want to be there. Prepared an outfit for it without me asking or anything. They're just… uhh…”

Jackal raised an eyebrow, “really emotional and too stubborn to admit that they have a weird hate-love thing going on?”

Fin pointed towards Jackal, as if to physically display agreement. “That.”

Dove didn't really understand what the two Succubuns meant, but elected to ask Jackal about it later as the door to Iba’s room opened.

Iba had picked out a translucent black dress that was an inch of length away from brushing against the floor, the see-through fabric allowing them to still show off their chest as much as they typically do, a dark magenta corset tightened around their waist to emphasise their pecs even more. Opaque tights coloured a deep reddish purple kept their modesty, and on their feet were a shiny new pair of black mary janes.

Dove's face went red at the immodest outfit as Fin whistled in appreciation.

"Damn, showing off even more than usual for this?"

Fin's comment got a scoff in response. "Pretty sure Oleander would want people doing the opposite of covering up to respect him. I'm not going to deny him the sight of my beautiful body when he's already..."

Fin quickly cut in with a clap of his hands when the blue haired bun's eyes got misty, their expression dropping down into a frown. "Ok! Well the service is gonna start soon, so we better get going! Everyone to the car!"

The ride was quiet, but not completely silent. The four of them kept up some small talk as Fin drove, the radio playing music at a low volume. Whenever the music would pause for a news segment, Iba would reach forward and change the station, not wanting to hear any more about the funeral they were all already going to and ruin the relatively pleasant ride.

It was practically the only thing that had been talked about in the media since All Sinner’s Day- the disappearances, then the murders, and then THE murder. It was all an absolute mess, and the authorities refused to actually disclose any information about what was happening beyond vague assurances that they’re working on it, which only served to make everyone more tense.

Fin himself was trying hard to keep up his usual cheerful demeanor when around others,but it was getting difficult as the disappearances kept happening. A couple acquaintances of his had become victims, and while he felt guilty about being relieved, he couldn't help being grateful that the ones he truly cared for have managed to stay safe so far, and that he's also among the many that haven't gotten taken or murdered by whoever- or whatever, if you believed some of the buns with more interesting beliefs- was behind everything.

Being intensely relieved to find a free parking space in the parking lot he had pulled into, Fingerbanger put all his focus towards backing into the space without hitting anything, since while he was the best driver out of the three of them (Jackal didn't drive often enough to remember the different signs, Dove was seemingly terrified to even be behind the wheel of any vehicle, and Oba still couldn't stop killing the engine multiple times during practice drives), he definitely wasn’t great at parking, having dented many cars as well as having outright caved in the door of one during a particularly interesting night, though he stuck by the fact that it was not entirely his fault. Regardless, getting out of the car once he’d manoeuvred the vehicle between the lines and checking the surrounding cars affirmed he’d managed to do fine.

Which was great, because if someone tried to get him to deal with insurance right now he might just have lost it and ended up with law enforcement on his ass. Which would not be an ideal situation for anyone. But as he didn’t hit anything, he could attend his fuck buddy’s funeral in peace, knowing that hypothetical scenario would never come to pass.

Fin winced in sympathy towards his poor car when Iba slammed the door shut with enough force to make the thoroughly abused hunk of metal briefly tilt onto two wheels, Dove having jumped at the unexpected noise which had Jackal glaring at the blue haired man for daring to spook her roommate.

Iba just groaned and dragged his hands down his face. “Fucking… let’s just. Go. Stare at a dead guy or whatever it is you do at a funeral. I want my croissants as soon as possible.”

That got everyone moving, the short walk to the church being devoid of conversation, everyone taking the time to quickly adjust their outfits and get any stray hair strands back into place to appear presentable as they arrived at the Church of Sulfur, walking through the large double doors to find the clergy taking care of some last minute preparations for the funeral.

There were plenty of others milling about the church waiting for the ceremony to begin. Most were quietly having conversations with each other, some were simply standing to the side silently, one or two were already crying. Spotting Mercy amongst the crowd, the group of four made their way over to the head nun, who actually looked better than they had since Fin had last seen them.

There were still dark bags under their eyes, having formed since the killings began, but their head was held high and it didn't look like they'd been crying too recently.

The greed horned nun stood before them, giving a small smile. “Dove, Jackal,” they greeted, “and Fin. As well as?”

There was a slight pause as everyone realised that with Iba's sheer hatred for Oleander and distaste for demons, the reclusive bun had only visited the religious building enough times to count on one hand, and even then those visits had been to briefly accompany someone else, so the two hadn't actually been introduced to each other.

Fin jumped in to explain, “Oh, this is Iba! They have, uh… strong feelings towards Oleander, so they wanted to be here.”

Mercy extended a hand towards Iba, Fin nudging the man when they only stared at it. Iba huffed, but took Mercy's hand and shook it, letting go too quickly for it to be polite. Mercy gave a questioning look, but accepted the poor attitude with the pleasant smile still plastered on their face.

“Well, I must thank you for coming. It is wonderful seeing how many people within burrowgatory care for Oleander.”

Elbowing Iba when they started grumbling, Fin gave a large grin. “Well, he did give many people relief in the confession booth… though I'm not sure it was necessarily through confessions.”

That got a laugh out of everyone (other than Iba, but they didn't count as they were being a grumpus), Mercy politely excusing themselves afterwards so they could speak to a clergy member that had asked for their attention.

Soon, it was announced that the funeral would properly begin, the attendees finding their seats as Mercy took their place behind the altar, Oleander's casket decorated and placed in front so that it was the center of attention.

Mercy's speech was incredibly moving, many of the attendees being brought to tears as several of the other church members moved to the altar to praise the now deceased priest. Through the whole thing Iba was scowling with their arms crossed, Fin having given up on trying to get them to be anything other than a pain in the ass and focusing fully on the eulogy being given.

Once the speech was finished, Mercy ending it by thanking everyone for coming to pay respects, the attendees were allowed to stand from the rows of pews to give their own last words to Oleander before leaving.

Some knelt by the closed casket, draped in dark cloth and surrounded by flowers, to whisper one last confession to the deceased priest, while others loudly shared their stories of the lustful man with. Fin was one of the former, since while he held a lot of love for Oleander, he admittedly wasn’t great at speeches, and it didn’t seem appropriate to ramble on to everyone about how great of a fuck he was at his funeral. Iba chose to do the secret third option, simply standing before the casket for a long while with their arms crossed before giving a respectful nod and speed walking out of the building.

Fin had been too busy figuring out what he wanted to say to Oleander himself to have actually paid attention to anything around him, so he missed whatever Dove and Jackal had done before the two found him so they could excuse themselves, apparently having to speak to Mercy about something important and promising to have lunch with him and Iba another time. Accepting the excuse without fuss, Fin took the short walk back to his car to meet back up with Iba.

Surprisingly, Iba’s only reaction to being ditched by Jackal and Dove was rolling their eyes and laying themselves out across the back seats as if Fin hadn't told them specifically not to do that several times as it was extremely unsafe. He tried to get them to actually sit up and buckle before pulling out of the parking space, but only realised as Iba was unlocking their front door that the sneaky fucker had managed to distract him with other topics during the full ride so he couldn't actually tell them off for being so careless with their safety.

Grudgingly accepting that he didn't have the energy to start an argument over it, Fin just crunched into an apple and made himself comfy on the couch.

The next day, Fin got to spend some time listening to Iba's rant on how the funeral had actually been a sham when he asked why they had looked so pissed off during the eulogy. While he did concede that the casket being closed was an unusual choice, and a couple other details were maybe a bit suspicious when added together, their conclusion that Oleander had come back from the dead was ridiculous. Telling them to stay off the conspiracy theory forums just got him a wordless screech of rage though.

It wasn’t until a couple days later that Oleander was announced to still be alive, and Fin burst through Iba’s front door only for them to yell at him before he could at them, “I fucking told you! Also, you still owe me croissants and a video game documentary, you motherfucker!”