there's no wrong way to celebrate

Yet another All Sinners’ Day had rolled around, and Lucine was — for the first time — actually looking forward to it. Since coming to Burrowgatory, he had no desire to participate in the festivities. With the turbulent, unpredictable mess his life had become, he couldn’t allow himself to join in. He idly sat by, silently cursing all the succubuns who were able to forget and indulge during the holiday.

That wasn’t meant to be his life, as much as he thought it might stay that way. He had gotten back on his feet, more or less, with a place to stay, a somewhat-steady job, and other succubuns to support him. He was learning to love life, to indulge in his desires in a way that didn’t leave him feeling shameful and envious, and things were looking up. Tonight, he’d finally celebrate All Sinners’ Day the right way.

…With all that decided, he wasn’t quite sure how he’d overindulge for the celebration. There was a surplus of good options, but if there was one thing he still hadn’t made much progress on, it was making decisions. He had to make progress on deciding things, though, so he had told most of his friends that he was going to try and figure out what he wanted on his own.

The streets were bustling even more than usual, to the point that there were even small groups of buns celebrating in the alleyways, drinking  or living out some sort of sexual fantasy. All these buns had their own way of indulging in excess.

 Lucine thought back to a conversation he had the night before. He asked Merrit what the right way to celebrate was, but her answer didn’t really satisfy him - She simply said “That’s different depending on the bun, so there’s no right way.” It was surely true, but that didn’t help him find what was right for him. He wished he had grown a different set of horns, been given a chance at a normal childhood like most other buns, been able to discover himself the right way—

“You look gloomier than usual today.”

A gruff voice jolted Lucine out of his thoughts, and he spun around to face someone who looked far less gloomy than usual.

“O-oh, hey, Jackal.” Lucine felt embarrassment prick at the back of his neck, realizing he had fallen back into his ways of envious thinking. “I’m… fine. Go have fun.”

Jackal exhaled a sigh, a puff of cigarette smoke flowing out of her nostrils. She flicked her cigarette butt away and approached Lucine with her hands in her pockets. “You and I both know that’s bullshit.”

A wave of heat washed over Lucine - the unpleasant kind, the kind he felt when the attention was on him in a way he didn’t really want. It felt bad. “You were gonna celebrate with Dove, right? Don’t let me hold you down.” That wasn’t the first time he felt the need to say that tonight. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

“...You’re soundin’ an awful lot like I used to, y’know that? I’m not leaving.” Jackal’s voice grew notably softer, placing a hand on Lucine’s shoulder. She always made time for her fellow envy buns; it would be impossible for him to chase her off now. “Dove’s got plenty of their own friends, and we’ve already spent a lotta time together today… Don’t worry about them or me. Let’s sit over there.”

Following a gesture toward an empty bench not far from them, Lucine and Jackal took a seat. 

“Alright. Tell me what’s goin’ on.” Jackal said, pulling out another cigarette.

Lucine shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting with his hands in his lap as he tried to find the words to speak. “I don’t really know how to do this. My life’s finally gettin’ better, but I still don’t know what I want, or who I’m supposed to be… It’s like it comes so easy to everyone else. I should be doing better, but I keep having these envious thoughts.”

“That’s not an uncommon sentiment for envy buns to have,” Jackal responded. “I still find myself thinkin’ that way, but that kinda mindset is a trap. All succubuns get envious sometimes, y’know? It’s not a special feeling only we get.”

“I know that, I just…”

“Look, take my word for it. There’s no wrong way to overindulge tonight.” Jackal held a lighter up to her cigarette and lit it, taking a drag and exhaling before continuing. "Whatever you desire, whatever you like to do, just do it. Whether it’s one thing or several. You don’t have to pick one thing. Be as greedy as you want - or slothful, lustful… You get the idea.”

She had essentially said exactly what Merrit had said the other night, though it was a bit more impactful coming from someone who knew what he was going through… It was true. Worrying about others, worrying about his place in the world — that was all to be cast away on All Sinners’ Day.

“...Yeah. Thank you.” Lucine leaned back, heaving a sigh. “Man, I dunno where any of my friends are tonight… I gotta track ‘em down, I guess.”

“You can do that.” Jackal took another long drag on her cigarette before tossing it aside. “Or, you could come with me to the bar. There’s still plenty of time left in the day to do whatever you want. It doesn’t have to stop tonight, either.”

Lucine smiled. That was true — there was still so much left to do, to try… He followed Jackal to the bar, the two of them immediately deciding to order a dozen shots — and the All Sinners’ Day celebration was only just beginning. It really was great to be alive.