Something to Round You Off

CLANK! “HIT ME AGAIN!”

That was the couplet that rung throughout the bar as Taffy looked for stress relief at the bottom of each glass Hops placed in front of her.

Taffy loved her job, she really did. Seeing people every day, helping them meet their exercise goals, leading yoga sessions at a spa on the side… it was good! Unfortunately, in a sort of paradoxical fashion, interacting with so many buns all day drained her as much as it brightened her mood. That's why after particularly busy days, she always seemed to find herself more than 20 drinks deep at the Rabbit Hole.

“You sure, hun?” Hops asked above the sound of her shaker. “That'll make 2 over your usual! You going for a record?”

It took a full 30 seconds for Taffy to process Hop’s response, a sound like a microwave buzzing coming from her mouth until it finally pinged. “OH! Wowww, I had that much already…?”

“Indeedy you did!” Hops called over her shoulder as she poured a keratini for one of the only other patrons in the bar. “Listen—thank you for the tip, hun!—I don't mind getting paid for all your drinks tonight, but I do mind seeing any of my customers getting sick. Don't overdo it, now!”

“Hmm…” Taffy looked into the bottom of her glass as if the bar lighting reflecting off of it would divine the answer to her conundrum. “Today was really the pits… Well… Not really I guess?” Taffy leaned forward and rested her crossed arms on the bartop. “The gym? S’awesome… The spa? More awesome… But it's hard, y’know? All the people? But it's not like you can skip the busy days, gotta pay bills… Y’know?”

In the drawn-out amount of time for Taffy to mumble out all of that, Hops had made her way to across from where Taffy was sitting and was nodding along.

“I hear ya. Well… how about this? Let’s get you a less… spirit-forward drink to round you off, okay?”

“Mmmm… like what?”

“Pretty much anything other than straight butterscotch schnapps mixed with peanut butter whiskey would do the trick, I’d think!”

Taffy pulled the empty glass once filled with said concoction to her chest like it was her most darling imp. “But I like itttt…”

“I’m not saying it's bad at all! I just think you should try something less strong for your last drink tonight, okay hun?” Hops turned around and did a quick scan through the bar’s ingredients. “Maybe a Sin and Tonic? That's light, and it's cheap, too!”

“Those are grosssssss… They're not sweet at allllll…!!!” Taffy wailed as she leaned back into the back of her barstool, nearly about to tip over. “I don't care how much ANYTHING costs as long as it tastes good!”

“Ohhh, you have a sweet tooth, huh? Not a problem! We have plenty of sweet stuff! Let's see…”

“Awww… that one looks so cuuute! Cutie… Cutiepop…” Taffy cooed while pointing at an ad for Smooch Hooch that was on the bartop. “I bet it's sweeeet…”

Hops looked over at what Taffy was pointing to and tapped her cheek in thought. “Hmmm… I dunno… I like that one fine, personally, but a lot of people say it tastes cheap. They prefer to play kissing games with the bottle and…”

Taffy was sticking out her tongue like the utter thought of kissing someone was bitter to her.

“... Yeah, I thought so.” Hops giggled as she turned around and resumed perusing the stock. “So that's a big N-O from you… But now we know that cuteness is a good factor! Hmm…” Hop’s eyes drifted to the non-alcoholic ingredients. “Strawberries are cute, right?”

“M-hm! Strawberries are soooo cute! I eat Dan’s strawberry dango allllll the time because it's the cutest of allllll the flavors!”

Hops smiled and grabbed a rum bottle. “How about a Dracquiri, then?”

“Ohhhh that's the one like a smoothie, right? Cooooool…” Taffy stared at a single point on a napkin before suddenly jolting to attention again. “Yes, please!”

“Coming right up!”

Hops immediately went to work mixing up a Dracquiri for Taffy. Even though Taffy was too far gone to notice minor flaws, Hops still did her best to make sure both taste and presentation were on point. When she placed the finished drink on the bartop, Taffy was inspecting it from all sides like an imp presented with a dango flavor they’d never tried before.

“Oh nooo…” Taffy whined, “The strawberry is siiiiick…”

Hops giggled and shook her head. “No, silly! That's a white strawberry! It's not sick!”

“Can I eat it…?”

“Yep! Go right ahead!”

Taffy plucked the pallid berry off of the rim and ate it. She chewed slowly and carefully for a good while before slumping in her seat. “It just tastes like a normal strawberry…”

“I know!” Hops exclaimed, eyes gleaming. “Isn't that just something?”

Taffy sat back up in her seat, shrugging off her disappointment. “I guess so… Now!” She picked up the Draquiri with both hands. “Onto the main event!”

The Dracquiri went down the hatch…

“Uh oh.” SLAM!

…And down went Taffy's head on the bartop.

At once, Hops checked if Taffy was still conscious. She was. Barely.

“Oh, dear! Um… is there anyone that can help you home?”

“Yeah wait a moment thank youuuuuu…” Taffy pulled out her phone and managed to navigate to a contact before completely passing out. 

“Okay, I got it, don't worry!” Hops picked it up and made the call. Fortunately, the bun was free and would be there right away.

With a relieved sigh, Hops returned the phone to Taffy's purse and patted Taffy's drunken little head.

“Don't you worry about your tab tonight. If anyone asks, I’ll just say I drank it.

With that, Hops polished glasses until Taffy's escort home arrived.