Untethered

Alamune is very, very, very in over her head. She’s been going to and from sex shops just to… Look!!

It’s so casually obscene, with fake penises that come in all these bizarre shapes. And other contraptions she spent some time reading the instructions of. Oh by the skies— why is that one so big?

She stares at it a little, beginning to imagine it inside of her. Alamune shivers, before the employee can shuffle up and ask her if she’s alright, Alamune scurries outside. 

The set of wings on her temple cover her eyes as she leaves, wondering if this exposure therapy is the correct way to approach her overwhelm with—

Of course because she wasn’t looking, Alamune walks right into somebody.

~~~

Apostle had just left one of his starting-to-become-routine visits to Oleander. Sometimes they just talked, the priest giving him little tips about adjusting to Burrowgatory life. Sometimes... They did a little more. 

Today's visit had been a bit of both, with Oleander sending him on his way with a list of shop names and addresses. Shops for... toys that Apostle might find an interest in, given how much he enjoyed the Lust aspect of the Succubun’s culture.

He was looking down at the list as he walked and was just about to glance up to make sure he was at the right place before a doll full body ran into him, sending him stumbling back as his wings flared in surprise. "Hey-"

~~~~

“Oop! I-I’m so sorry…” Alamune sputters, wings flapping in distress at the idea of hurting someone. Fluttermotes dancing frantically around her.

When Mune steps forward to help and finally processes the person before her, she realizes *who* this buck is.

Oh gosh. 

She freezes, both in fear and confusion, *Apostle?*

He can’t see her like this! Not here! Not dressed as she is— A dozen panicked thoughts fly through her head before landing on something that resonates deeper, if only for a moment;

…

Why is he down here? 

“Are you okay?” She asks on reflex, but for the wrong context.

~~~ 

Luckily, Apostle recovered his footing quickly, and was able to bend down to grab the handwritten list he'd dropped before it blew away. "Yeah, I'm -" 

Wait. I know that voice. He looked up slowly, taking in the pastel rainbow Flutter Motes first. This doll looked... a bit different than the doe he thought he remembered... 

He stood, Glowing eyes squinting slightly. "A... Alamune?"

~~~

Anxiously the shimmery cherubun glances down the street and sidewalk. 

“A-Apostle?— you- you shouldn’t be down here-“ Alamune’s wings flutter on her back, she pulled her hands close to her front. Like she’s terrified to touch him. Taking a step back too, to Alamune it feels like she’s just seen a ghost.

~~~

So that's where she went... Melangel hadn't said much when Apostle had asked them about Alamune's disappearance; he'd assumed that she was hiding in her house as some sort of self-punishment. This... 

"This isn't the place to have this conversation..." Apostle realized, glancing up at the shop they were still standing right in front of. "There's a park nearby, come with me." He turned and had taken a few steps before visibly cringing and glancing back at Alamune over his shoulder. "I, um. Sorry. Please pretend that had come out like a question, not an order..."

~~~

Alamune quietly follows, looking ashamed and embarrassed. Her skin flush with a sick, uneasy red. Emerald eyes shyly looking at the ground as they walk, she didn’t respond to him.

She feels like a little kit about to be punished, it frustrates her. Tangling with all the questions she has in her head, all the answers she’ll have to come up with to explain herself.

~~~

She's scared of me. Apostle realizes immediately as he takes in her body language. The way she wouldn't even look at him, never mind meet his eyes. I guess that only makes sense, considering... 

Apostle put the thought aside for the moment. It's not like he could fix her perception of him with just a few short words... It hurt, though. He hadn't realized he would meet somebody who had been so close with him back in the Meadow. If you could call what we had 'close'...

Apostle led Alamune to the small park nearby, to a secluded bench in a garden full of a lovely rainbow of colours. The bench was shaded by a large tree. He sat first, and rushed to gesture for her to sit beside him. As equals.

~~~

“. . .” Alamune takes a second to move, just watching him.

She feels herself relax, if only a little, now that the initial shock has passed.

Alamune sits down beside him, her fluttermotes settling down on the bench behind her and on her arms and legs.

She’s assuming a lot about this encounter. About him. Why he’s here, how he’s feeling; Alamune realizes.

Still she lets out a shaky breath, worry nipping at her.

“You look happier.”

The doe’s delicate voice spoke, a comment unrelated to this entire encounter so far.

She’s looking down at her hooves. There was the lack of tension in Apos’ eyes and brow that she’s referring to, his clouds fluffier than she remembers.

~~~

"..."

"So do you." 

Apostle had realized what was 'different' about Alamune's appearance. She was wearing something that looked a lot more comfortable, for one. Free-flowing, light. Apos couldn't be sure if this was her real body, or the one she'd shown in the Meadows, but she seemed... Healthier. More natural. So probably this one.

"I... didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry." 

Apostle had probably apologized more in the short time he'd been in Burrowgatory than in his whole life in the Meadows. Something about not being held on some sort of pedestal made him want to be actually liked instead of just respected. Or tolerated.

~~~

Alamune nervously laughs.

“Oh- please don’t apologize,” She waves her hands, stirring up her butterflies.

“I ran into you without looking, I— I just got so overwhelmed at the idea of you being down here as well... It startled me.”

“… I’m not supposed to be down here, I’m supposed to be better than this… “ Mune sighs, speaking softly as she massages the bridge of her nose, crinkle in her brow. 

‘If you’re here then something horrible has been hurting you’ is the second thought that comes to her mind, not speaking it.

~~~

"The second part is what I was apologizing for..." Apostle replies softly. 

"I'm... Not here to punish you, or anything, if that's what you're worried about. I've not even heard from Melangel since I arrived." 

Apostle wondered if Alamune would be able to hear the hint of bitterness underlying the last sentence.

~~~

". . . " She looks over at him finally, wings closing tight to her back.

"They won't ever contact us. Not again." Alamune shakes her head, "I'm just scared that you've seen me as I am now."

Apostle knows her at her best, knows her for what she's been, how she's supposed to be; supposedly.  

He said she looks happier, though. 

Slowly it dawns on her that they may be on nearly the exact same page.

"How long have you been here?"

~~~

Won't ever? That can't be right...

Apostle put the thought aside for a moment as Alamune kept speaking, shaking his head dismissively. "Burrowgatory-Alamune is going to be different than Meadows-Alamune, just as how I've changed so much already..." 

"I've only been here... A week? Maybe two? It's hard to keep track when all the days look the same."

~~~

She huffs out of her nose, not really happy about being dismissed. But he's right, she's been trying to think that way.

" A week?" Seems he's already far more comfortable than she is.

"... I've been here a month."

~~~

Apostle tipped his head slightly, glancing at the flowers around them. Was Alamune allergic? Was that why she made that sound? Hmm. He supposed she would say something if she was uncomfortable.  

Then again, neither of them had while they were in the Meadows. 

"A month?" Apostle was a little astonished. "What do you do all day?" 

He couldn't imagine it was the same as what he was usually doing.

~~~

“… I work,” She glances to the side, “I explore. I talk to the friends I’ve made here.”

“…”

“Wh-“

“What- um. Do *you* do all day?” She asks back, crossing her legs at the ankles and gently swaying her hooves back and forth.

~~~

"..." 

Of course she would ask. Apostle should have predicted this. 

... 

Why was he so embarrassed all of a sudden? 

"I, um. It depends on which clergy member has taken me as their charge for the day. Ah, I'm living at one of their 'churches' right now." He'd vehemently refused Dove's offer to find him housing at the Heavenly Embassy. "Some take me to try new foods. Mercy is trying to help me find a job, but... apparently my only skill here is my literacy."

"And... well... The head priest Oleander... has been teaching me... to..." Apostle felt his face heat; he wondered how much of it Alamune could see through his cloud. "He's, well... He embraces his 'Lust' typing..."

~~~

“…”

Alamune listens intently.

“Oh!” It clicks, she blushes and giggles, “I um. I understand.” He sounds like he’s in the same situation she was in, wandering around trying to figure out what to do. She's twirling a lock of blonde hair around her finger. 

“I’ve met him. Um- Father Oleander. He’s nice.” Her fluttermotes are dancing around her more comfortably now.

~~~

"Yes, he is. Although a bit... Easily manipulated." 

Apostle noticed that Alamune seemed to have calmed, no longer thinking that he was here as her personal divine punishment... He realized that other than his first conversation with Dove, this was the longest he'd spent with another Cherubun since his jump. I suppose I can't avoid Primrose without consequences...

"’Sinning’ isn't nearly as bad as Melangel made it out to be." Apostle blurted after a moment, wings rustling uneasily. "It's... confusing."

~~~

“… I like it too,” She awkwardly said.

“It’s fun. Feels good. I don’t think it’s bad to feel good.” Alamune repeats, trying to remember what Johanna said to her. It helped her. 

She scoots an inch closer.

~~~

"... It's not bad to feel good." Apostle frowned, trying to figure out what his strange reaction was. "I... suppose I'm not used to it... Yet?"

~~~

“I’m not used to it either. It’s still… scary. To feel safe.. and normal?” She rubs her wrist, blinking at the ground.

Alamune looks at him, “Th— then I think about what I said out-loud. And get frustrated…“ She murmurs the last part.

“… I was so…” Her voice wavers, thinking of Mel. Of Lun. 

She rubs her eyes, feeling them start to tear up.

“Tired.“

~~~

Apostle couldn't imagine that his touch would bring her comfort, so instead he averted his gaze, focusing on his hands folded neatly in his lap as he sat stock-still.  Then- 

"There's a priest who wears cuffs around his wrists, with a chain adjoining them. The chain is loose enough that the priest still has complete use of his hands; it's some sort of symbolism that he avoids explaining when asked." Apostle raised his hands but kept them together, as if his wrists were bound. "When I was at the Meadows, my Ophanim were perfect circles. Clouded, yes, but round. Neat. And now," He pulled his hands apart; there were wisps of cloud coming off of his Ophanim, like the tails of Succubuns. "Do they not look like bindings, with links of broken chain?"

~~~

“…” Alamune quietly listens as she often does.

She reaches out and takes his hand. Her palms, which you’d always assume are soft by looking at her, have always been callused by her garden work. Hard work.

Mune gives Apostle’s hand a comforting squeeze.

I see. I understand.

~~~

Apostle startled a little as Alamune touched him, but didn't pull away. He raised his head to look her in the eye and gave a small smile, fleeting. Thank you.

~~~

Alamune leans over and affectionately bonks her forehead against Apostle’s temple, cottontail wagging happily.

“ …I imagine you were stressed too?” She asks, pulling away and tucking her hair back out of her face. 

“… Why’d you jump?”

~~~

Apostle made a soft noise at Alamune's affection - it wasn't quite a laugh, but... 

"I'm starting to believe I wasn't even in touch enough with my own emotions to feel stressed... Which is a problem of its own, of course..." 

Apostle took a deep breath and let it out slowly, fiddling with the jewelry dangling from his thighs. "I took it upon myself to... 'Save Burrowgatory from itself.' To help the Cherubuns that had already fallen by... Turning Burrowgatory into a copy of the Meadows. I felt it was some divine mission... I didn't tell Melangel I was going, though. I wanted to surprise them with my... Initiative."

~~~

“…” Alamune’s tiny smile drops from her face.

“Oh— Apostle-“ She sighs, slinking away. Letting him talk.

~~~

Oh. Oh, I’ve upset her.

Apostle reached out towards Alamune instinctively, stopping before he could touch her and dropping his hands and his gaze back to his lap. "It seems I miscalculated. Underestimating both how much I would like Burrowgatory... And how much Melangel cared. I thought they would have checked in by now, but I'm... I made a mistake."

~~~

Alamune’s heart shattered a little when she saw him reach out to her but stop. No no. She’d never want that. That’s the opposite of everything she’d ever want from someone.

She takes both of his hands in hers this time, firm and sure. Her wings splay out, looking Apostle in the eyes— even if his clouds are in the way.

“And you’ll make many more mistakes— but that’s the thing about Burrowgatory- we can make mistakes. Over and over again. And- and realize it doesn’t have to be damnation or shame.“

“I’m here for you,” She didn’t know him too well. But she kept herself hidden and quiet anyways.

“We can be here together, we can figure out how we are meant to be free and untethered.”

~~~

Apostle looked into Alamune's eyes, seeing the genuine care in her face even through the black cloud that constantly floated around his head. 

"... Together. M... Making mistakes. And being able to learn from them on our own, instead of waiting for the other hoof to drop."