The Hops Special

“Gimme a Celestiale.”

“Come back next month and I will.”

“Whuddabout a Scale Ale?”

“Just ran out I’m afraid.”

“…do you got a Gold Fashioned?”

“Not even close to being in season.”

Mikayla sighed and rested her forehead on the bar, magenta hair spilling over her shoulders into the sticky mess of other patron’s drinks. “Hops, you gotta give me the hookup, c’mon, I’m like… your best customer.”

Hops chuckled and wiped away some of the hooch that Mikayla had spilled on the counter. This has been her what, fourth drink? Hops wasn’t one for cutting anyone off, but the less coherent Mikayla became, the more trouble she invited to the Rabbit Hole. “Sorry babe, for you to be my best customer you’d have to actually be able to pay for your own drink every time.”

Mikayla raised her face, a sly smirk spread across her cheeks. “I don’t usually have a problem picking up the tab with someone else’s carats.” She laid her head back on the counter, a ‘bluuuuuugh’ sound emanating from her.

“You usually wait a while before going all-in, why’re you starting so early this time?”

“Supposed… to meet a guy here. Challenged me to… a contest.”

Hops raised an eyebrow. Every time Mikayla chatted with someone else, they either left together… or she utterly humiliated them in one scandalous way or another. Hops usually didn’t have too much of a mess to clean up after, thank the demons. “What sort of contest? It can’t be a drinking competition because you’d have won already by now.”

Mikayla laughed and hiccuped violently after, before attempting to raise her head and give Hops a dazzling look. To Hops, it looked like Mikayla was peeing her panties rather than being charming, but she couldn’t help let a giggle escape.

“Oh, you’ll see.” A hint of deviousness crept into Mikayla’s voice, after which she sighed and then seemed to fall asleep. As this was a regular occurrence for her, Hops decided to tend to other patrons until the show began.

Mikayla hadn’t been sleeping for too long before a tall doll in dark clothes sat on the stool beside her. He nudged her with an elbow, causing her to snore and shift away from him. He smirked and began to settle down, drinking in the atmosphere before he called Hops over.

“Hey good lookin’, whatcha got… mixing?”

Hops turned to the bun after she was finished serving other patrons. When she saw his dark eyes and rascally smile, she laughed an airy laugh that flowed around her and seemed to brighten the bar.

“Vander! I was wondering when you’d show up today. You want your usual?” Hops rounded back towards him, Mikayla still passed out on the bar. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re the bun she’s been going on about…”

“Why, did she tell you what our bet is? And yeah, gimme the usual.” Vander leaned over the bar, head resting on his hand. His usual sweats and crop top didn’t fit the atmosphere of the bar, but his personality more than made up for it… when he was trying to be suave. Most of the time, Vander’s attempts to be charming ended in embarrassment, but endearment. As if on cue, his elbow slipped on the liquid of the counter, making him slam his head down. He reeled back, rubbing his forehead. Hops couldn’t help but giggle, quickly filling a glass with vodka before sliding it to Vander. He withdrew a neon energy drink can and poured it into the alcohol, then took a huge swig.

“No, all she said was that you challenged her to a contest.”

At the mention of her previous words, Mikayla shot up and looked around, clearly unaware that she had passed out. She scanned the bar area before turning her eyes to Vander, who returned her gaze with amusement.

“Contest! Yeah. Yeah… it was you, wasn’t it?” Mikayla slurred. Vander grinned.

“What, you don’t even remember me? I’m hurt! After all the drinking contests I’ve won…”

“Hey! I won some of them too, thank you.” Mikayla hiccuped. “It’s… Victor?” Vander shook his head. “Uh… Viceroy. Vivian. Vladimir. Van Gogh.” The doll laughed in response.

“Doesn’t matter. You can call me ‘contest winner’ from now on.”

Mikayla narrowed her eyes and her smirk returned. “Hey now, don’t be hasty. Besides,” she turned to Hops, who had been grinning along for the two’s entire exchange, “we wouldn’t want dear Hops to get any ideas, now would we?” Mikayla licked her lips. Her sobriety seemed to have instantly returned, always a scary sight for the bartender.

“Ideas… about what?”

“Right, let’s quit fucking around and get down to fucking around!” Vander slapped the countertop with both hands. “The contest is, whoever makes you kick them out of the bar first, wins.”

Hops scoffed. “You both have been thrown out half a dozen times at least. It hardly seems like a contest.”

“Oh, but there’s a twist! We decided to make it interesting.” Vander smiled. “Any old clown can get tossed out of this place by hurling on Angora’s shoes.”

“Which you have done before, twice.”

“We can only talk to you.” Mikayla said, letting Vander stew in the embarrassment of his past actions. “No referencing or provoking other patrons, you’ll be able to kick us out knowing we haven’t bothered anyone but you. How does that sound?”

The proposal did sound like fun, though the ramifications of it could be less than entertaining. But, Hops couldn’t resist spectating Mikayla and Vander’s banter. The two riffed off each other as naturally as if they’d been littermates, and they always included her in good nature. Hops always gave into her temptations, Hell, that’s why she was working here in the first place. What could go wrong with letting the two buns indulge in their fun?

“Alright, alright… as long as you both don’t cause a scene and give me more work to do.” Hops crossed her arms. “Tell me what you got!”

“I’ll go first.” Vander cleared his throat, then downed the remainder of his Jägerbomb. “Remember,” he gave Hops a concerned look, “that what I’m about to say, isn’t real. I don’t mean it. It’s just for the fun of the competition, y’know?” Hops raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Good. In that case, I fuckin’ hate your cocktails. They’re always way too sweet? I wanna get blasted, I don’t wanna feel like I’m going to the damn boutique for brunch or whatever the fuck. If you weren’t forced to work here by Angora, damn, there’s no way you’d be bartending.”

Hops’ eyes widened and she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. “You’ve never complained about them before!”

“Starting off a little personal there, V.” Mikayla chimed in. “You gotta work your way up to the main event.” She sat up straight in her stool. “You’d know that though, wouldn’t ya Hops? Hell, I’ve seen you lose hand after hand to Angora, but you seem to enjoy it, don’t you?”

Hops crossed her arms. “Obviously not!”

Mikayla leaned forward. “Oh, but you do. I wonder what the wager is if you lose?”

Vander caught her drift after a second. “I’ve seen her play, too. She always starts off with real big bets and then goes lower and lower until it’s not even worth playing anymore. It seems like she’s trying to lose.”

“Am not!” Hops stamped her foot. Her tail bristled slightly and darted around, knocking into a few bottles behind her. “Angora reads my tells so easily! You also lose against her like every night, you should know then!”

Mikayla chuckled and leaned even further, her cleavage on full display. “What tell would that be? How you can’t keep eye contact when you have a good hand, or how when you don’t know what to do your ears start twitching?” As if on cue, Hops started shaking with anger, ears twitching wildly.

“Sh-shut the hell up! It doesn’t fucking matter, I don’t lose to her on purpose! She just always knows how to win!”

Uttering the last syllable, Hops’ eyes went wide and she clamped her hands over her mouth. Mikayla’s smug face was her only reaction, while Vander capitalized on the weakness immediately.

“I mean I’ve seen Angora cheat before, but the way you’re sayin’ it, sounds like something else is going on.”

“Does she distract you?” Mikayla said. Hops closed her eyes and drew in a breath before giving the pair an unamused look.

“Forget what I said, it’s not important. My debt isn’t going away anytime soon, so really it doesn’t matter.”

“She has to be doing something to get past your rock-solid defenses. Does she say mean things to you?” Mikayla continued.

“No.”

“Does she try and bring up your debt?”

“Ugh, no.”

“Does she toy with you?”

Hops looked away. Mikayla grinned.

“Is it a light touch of her hand on your arm? When she deals, does she brush her fingers on your skin?”

Hops shivered in response and began wiping down the same spot on the counter repeatedly.

Vander smiled wickedly. “It’s gotta be something more… tantalizing for ol’ Hopsie here.”

“Watch it.”

“Something more, intimate.”

“I’m not gonna warn you again, Vander.”

“I bet I know what it is, too!” Vander beamed with devilish pride.

“Ooo, tell us, tell us!” Mikayla squealed.

“Oh no, Hops might get too embarrassed to get through the rest of her shift!”

“But she said we could have our contest, she knew what she was getting into.”

Hops snorted. “You two better get on with it before I actually do my job and serve other patrons.”

Vander grabbed Hops’ wrist and made her jump. She looked at his face and he stared back at her, eyes twinkling.

“Angora knows how to control everyone who walks into this joint. She knows what buttons of yours to press to make you squirm.” Mikayla followed Vander’s lead and grabbed Hops’ other wrist, pinning her hands to the countertop. “Or rather… which one button, in particular.”

“She does have long legs.”

Hops couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled her wrists free and raised her voice. “Both of you, out. Now.”

Vander and Mikayla gave each other a wordless look. They turned their stools around, and began to get up to leave. Mikayla turned back and smiled at Hops.

“So, who won the contest?”

“OUT. NOW.”

Mikayla shrugged and blew a kiss to Hops before catching up with Vander, her tail swishing behind her.

“We’ll be back tomorrow Hops, count on it.” Vander said.

“Hopefully we can play a hand of poker or two for ourselves.”

As they disappeared out of the door to the Rabbit Hole and into the lobby of Wonderland Casino, Hops allowed herself to finally relax. She breathed out a sigh of relief, then checked to see if any nearby buns had witnessed the commotion. If anyone had, they weren’t speaking up about it now.

She busied herself again with wiping down the countertop, knowing that no matter what she did, something would always end up being wet.