Calcifer & Hops — Dress to Impress

“Hail to thee, Damsel Hops! It is I, Calcifer Ichabod VII, the—”
“Sorry! Sorry Lord Calcifer, not now! I’m — AAAH!”

The perilous tower of glass and alcohol oh-so-carefully balanced atop Hops’ mighty stainless-steel steed (or serving tray, if thou dost wish to be so boorish with thy terms) nearly became but a mess of shard and liquid upon the floor of The Rabbit Hole if not for our Sanguineous Scourge’s deft hands. That is to say… Calcifer managed to loop an arm around Hops’ waist and stick a hand out far enough to prevent the whole affair from toppling over.

“Haah… haah… oh dear Murmur, thank you my Lord! Um, I’m so sorry to be in such a rush, Lord Calcifer…” Hops—despite being as flustered as she was—deftly began to rearrange the different glasses, flasks, and tumblers to better distribute the weight.
“Pay it no mind, dear Damsel.” Calcifer also reached upward to right one of the glasses near the top of her stack. Quite an exuberant amount of drinks to be toting… though, one need only see the state of this establishment to understand why the Damsel was in such a tizzy.

On this particular day—for no reason at all, apparently—The Rabbit Hole seemed to be packed to the brim… employees that Calcifer never even knew worked here were out on the floor, platters piled nearly just as high as Hops’ (and outfits nearly just as skimpy, to boot). T’was not even a holiday! Though—as Calcifer should understand by this point—most of the regular patrons of this bar didn’t need a reason to start a drinking party. What an intriguing state of affairs… Calcifer had come by to get Hops to tell him of more drink recipes for his archives, but it may be more interesting to sit and watch the master at work—

“Lord Calcifer…” Half out of breath, Hops’ words interrupted Cal’s brief mental detour. “I’m so so sorry to ask this of you, but do you think you could wait over there by the bar really quick? I just have to deliver these drinks and I’ll be with you — actually, I kind of wanted to ask you something… um, uh, in a second though if that’s alright!!!”
“Most certainly—” Before Calcifer could get the entirety of his agreement out of his mouth, Hops was already off on her way… Cal could only let out a mildly miffed huff as he gave her a little wave before wandering off to the area she mentioned. Now, how long would she take…

…

It took the greater part of a half hour for Hops to find her way to Calcifer’s side once more; every now and then he’d peek up from the book he brought to see Hops nearly crashing into another worker before apologizing profusely and offering to help take drinks off their hands. Did she sneak a glass or two in the middle of her rounds? A vexing damsel, most certainly… out of a mild reverence—or perhaps, just to be nice—Cal made the effort of putting his book away when the tired damsel wobbled her way behind the bar.

“Okay, okay… thank you so much for waiting, Lord Calcifer…”
“If it were not you, Damsel Hops, I would chide thee for keeping me waiting… nay, though. The events of the day weigh heavy upon your shoulders, is it not in your prerogative to rest thy feet?” Calcifer motioned to a stool as he spoke, but Hops simply waved one of her hands.
“No no… it’s — well as you say,” Cue an Calcifer impression from Hops, “the night is still young, the mechanisms of the dusk creatures do not rest easily…” Hops giggled to herself as she started to dig around in different cupboards behind the counter. “That is to say, the night’s really only just beginning. When things get like this, people keep pouring in until the early hours in the morning… Then we get to kick out all the drunk buns, rest for a quick lunch, and do it all over again next evening.”
“A restless cycle… I do wonder how one stays sane during the process.” Calcifer’s raised eyebrow wasn’t subtle at all as he watched Hops.
“Alcohol, talking, alcohol, mixing drinks… alcohol. And hey, on that note…”

Almost as if to sate Cal’s curiosity about her actions, from a nearby cupboard Hops pulled out two things: a book, and an… outfit. Well, could you even call this an outfit if it only barely covered all the important bits?! A collar, wrist cuffs, heels, and an outfit adorned with ribbon and ruffles that seemed to be quite a bit more open up top… and seemed to be the perfect size for a certain someone standing behind the bar.

“… wait. You can’t be serious, right?” The sheer amount of surprise broke through Calcifer’s—Daniel’s—intricate facade as he could only stare dumbfounded at the outfit that Hops held gingerly towards him.
“Hey, it’ll be worth your while…” Her voice was a little sheepish—as if she knew what she was asking was quite a far-fetched ask of this poor archivist.
“What… what do you have that could possibly—”
“This…” Hops shuffled the objects in her arm around to reveal the book… bound with satin and faux-leather and detailed in gold, a picture of Murmur was depicted on the front with an intricacy level only found in the most expensive novels. “Miss Angora got this on an auction on a whim and gave it to me, and I know you like this sort of thing… I think the inside cover says it’s ‘Jacurio’s Original Scriptures of Murmur, First Edition’ or something—”
“?!” With an incredulous exclamation, Calcifer quickly snatched the book up to inspect it with his own senses. It is… it really is a first edition! Scripture books are a dime a dozen, but something of this rarity—and in this quality—was most certainly a fine addition to his archive. Oh, he could see it slotting into place now…

“Soo… I’ll take that as a yes to helping out tonight?” Hops’ smile was as sweet as cotton candy as she held out the uniform. Calcifer pouted as he was brought out from his daydream… he looked Hops up and down, then looked at the book…
“… ONE night, Damsel Hops. And prithee, store this treasure in a safe place so as to not let any dust, dirt, grime, nor drink spill on it.” With a defeated grumble, Calcifer snatched up the uniform—trading it for the book (He would get you back momentarily, beauty…)—before wandering off into the back area to change.

…

Never would our Scourge know true humiliation before this night. Certainly he has had many an embarrassing situation in his life before, but never has he bore skin so readily and had others call him so callously. The calls and the whistles were the least of his problems; learning how to balance trays and keep track of orders like the rest of the cast had to be mastered almost immediately, and all the while he had to get the thought of buns making lewd comments about his legs out of his head as he worked. Damsel Hops went through situations such as this daily?! By the great word of Murmur, Calcifer has decided… damsel she will be no more—Heroine Hops and her valiant work rings true through Calcifer’s very soul. Each and every day he is humbled by the things he has yet to learn!

Alas, even after a long night of servicing rowdy buns… Hops and Calcifer still had to send drunken buns packing when closing time came around, and yet still they had to clean up any adverse spills and get the bar set for the next day. By the end of it all the poor archivist—who was most certainly not made for this sort of work—was nearly dead on his feet when Hops approached him with the book and his original clothes in hand.

“Lord Calcifer… I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done. I don’t expect it’ll get THAT busy again any time soon, so… yeah, you really helped me and the rest of the employees of the bar out a lot. You’re a real riot, you know that? I think some of the regulars really enjoyed your soliloquies… if you didn’t already have a job, I’d consider putting in a good word for you here, haha.” Hops gave Cal a playful nudge in the side, eyes widening as she saw the man almost tumble over. “Oh Murmur, are you okay?!”
“T’is naught but a minor… a minor inconvenience!” Calcifer wheezed as he took a seat proper; almost immediately upon him taking a seat, Hops let the bun take his newly earned (and returned) belongings into his arms, and Calcifer held the book and his clothes gingerly.

“Truly, madame Hops… Heroine Hops. I have seen your valor on this night, and I recognize the stature of a warrior when I see one. What I can only handle for one, you do for many… for that, I graciously take my earnings.”
“H-heroine?! Warrior?!” Hops’ cheeks were flushed pink; the genuine honesty in Cal’s voice threw her off-guard, and she couldn’t help but pat his shoulders. “You really give me too much credit! Not every bun could step in and learn how to help so well so fast! Um, uh… take pride in your actions! For thou… erm, thou strength ist… palpable. Prithee!”

For a moment the two shared wide-eyed looks… then they both broke out in a fit of soft giggles.

“Your vocabulary doth need a refresh or two, Heroine! Perhaps another night we shall sup upon the language of the hellish rebukes, and… ahem, we could assist each other once more?”
“Heheh, of course! I’ll look forward to it… now be careful on your way back! Oh, and tell me the deets about that book later — here’s my number!”

And so the curtain draws to a close on this meager tale as the Scourge leaves the premises to return to his abode to file all the information he’s received away in the recesses of his archives… not before changing out of that skimpy-ass outfit, of course.